earnings...!!

dadda!! called that shabby guy with long hairs sitting the corner of that small room in those white pajamas and the black color vest, well there was no response as there was no one in that room and just that small ray of light coming from that window which opens in the shaft made him called that secure relation which was with the time flowing ahead of self. This Bengali term which states the idea of a elder brother was termed for the most secure relation which I formed in the period of one year,rahul, who always was just near to me either the space was that haunted corridors or the door just next to his lecture room, i.e 108.

 The period was so that I was moving from that room and the memories of all and one was just coming and going around those roads which I travelled whether it was the faculty of arts or the gardens of science faculty. The bond which started from the small slope under that so very trio neem tree which got infinite within a period of one year. The journey which began as a fresher was just going to end in a span and I was to welcome that new faces whom I was amongst one once and may be the relations he formed would just remain the same.

Though all it started was from the introduction which was more or less formal and may be would end up in the terms of informal but, on the lines and recognition of professionalism. In that class of 54 students I was the one who was amongst that group which was reckoned for the most love and care which I just expected from every societal relation but, the expected made me stand near the wall which was in the end never reflected. The part and parcel I was formed though but, the stances and changes made me depart from judging and I accepted myself.

Though the relation within all was just started from the image of that girl in white kurta and yellow salwar standing tall in that corridor where sunlight merely reached, yes ishleen I m talking about you, your essence of care was never more or less than that of my mother. In that metro city where I just came to form no relation and just stand alone with a self stand, your care and love made me realize that I was never aloof and you just tied me in all the chains which end up nowhere.

Yes the ending years even made us realize ourselves and our relational talks which just end up discussing nothing but a reliable relation and all those smiles in that balcony which you shared with me were priceless as I was and I m just unable to capture all those moments in this one paragraph but, trust me neha as I did on you that I would never end up missing you ever and hope not the expectation, as the hope is what is just persisting in those mellows of coke and ash tray left over with me that neither you would forget  me.

We just met over twice and the feeling was never judged to be genuine, it was just accepted the way it came and you were part of this lifestyle, though the bond got strong over time and time and your hugs got warmer and warmer. And with this ending year a never ending and to its end I realized a friend whose dictionary gave a new definition of love to me. It was just and always when the phone strikes its message tone and it was realized as it would be you aashish, the care and the love you bestowed over me would never be reciprocated by me. Though it was limitless but I measured it to the infinity.

Yes I know you are innocence and all it is what is needed in your part to make you special joyita. Nothing more or less but, all whenever I would think of you would be just to see you smiling in all and every part of this world where ever you stay, you are special.

Slowly and steadily walking I would just ask for your welfare now and then amar. Stay blessed and smiling.

It’s not what is just ending up in the few paragraphs above, after reading it may sound you funny but, all I had was to just shower this few words to make myself mirror in that sunny day to tell what I feel. I may not be many amongst one but, all I have dreamt always is just of being one amongst you, though I may never achieved parity but, all what I got was love and I never judged it and just accepted it and tried best to my end to nurture this wheel of time with my love and respect to one and every relation I formed with you all.

i never opted to quit...

Though it was dusty and the smell was pungent but, it was me and I always. Those withered and tangled fingers holding the breath of my every second just poked me to end to do the gesture of releasing those from the struggle of that airy and smoky filled into the pores of filter and that dry leaves of that nicotine. I just ignored and wasted a small piece of wood by burning it, though even some paper was burnt too but, the worth was realized.

Slowly I walked and standing over that bridge which just had one-way traffic, I just looked down and merely could see as it was all smoky and I just questioned, what lies beneath?

The replies were the realization, though abundant and tough to judge but, I do not form prejudice, I take it usual (way of life). The acceptance was the factor of that shabby and grey truth which entered in that chilly winter December**. Then I just blow harder to look more beneath, it didn’t work, I jumped and just lost to find the truth, all I had to do was to just take in all the smoke and go beyond and beyond and I just did the same.

In the end though I was full of smoke and tried but, what I found lying underneath was courage wrapped in that small red box*. I opted it and the usual was defined. It just gave me courage to fight and withstand all those evil relations which form part of the materialistic world.

It gave me a vision, a vision to look beyond the selfless and for the self. The vision might be blurred but, it was as if I was happy and accepted it as just I chose it for myself, just for the part that would be unjust to me to quit it.

Many and more it was me. Standing tall above all and it was just I. someday I just felt that it might be a dependency and I may not be real, then I realized that at least I was in myself and all the way moving strong. It seemed better to hold a non-materialistic thing to produce a productive past which at least has the ability to define and move with the time. No one would be responsible ever till the time one would replace the non-materialistic with a natural part and it is the eternity of love, which would just instigate and counter the smoky self.

I will just wait for over and over. I may not be a fool at-least for the mirror which speaks of me. I have helped myself as I never opted to quit.  

*the red box is the pack of cigarette.

**the month when i started smoking.

***this article is my reference to my idea of smoking.

wall with a reflection...

And it all started the way it was supposed to be, I went through those black corridors, those haunted grasslands were never sunny and green again, even today those flowers spread the aroma of those salty tears which fell upon them when I was hiding under their petals.

Even today this night has no stars and the moon isn’t full and I just lie down under the cloudy sky awaiting that wind to blow in the direction of the eternal happiness spreading across my soul and carrying away those thorns which were just pinched into the hollow creature of that smoky shell,

I just today even stand in that balcony awaiting that white lady’s hair to come near me and I would just touch it to check if the colorless creature in its shape reflects of my shades.

Under those shades still lies the shadow with the color of its own, the long stretched version of itself, which time and again moved ahead of me and just poked me to understand the reason of time moving ahead and I was just nowhere seen. The time flowed and I was just vanished, the leftover was just tangled in those chains which were either tied at my back or are with no locks, and the feeling was genuine that they emerged from within the womb.